Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
