Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
