so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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