I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
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