Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
