You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
