Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
