Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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