He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
