my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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