Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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