They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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