2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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