All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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