i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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