You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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