I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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