Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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