her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
