We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
