Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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