Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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