TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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