It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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