Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize