so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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