I wish I could punch you in the face.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
