why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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