Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
