I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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