it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
