I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
