Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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