Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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