First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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