How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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