When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
