I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
