OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
