since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
