careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
