And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
