Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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