Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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