The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We had sex on a dog bed..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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