can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
