so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
