I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
