Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
