go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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