im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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