I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
