can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
