the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
