Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
