so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
