I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
