the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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