I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
