I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
