So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
