You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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