can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
