I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
