my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
